Social Media, Technology, and Modern Day Infidelity

Anchor 1

In the world today, there are many ideals that have been implemented in the past that have become outdated in the last 10 years with the creation of the internet. Nowadays people find it easier and less time consuming to send an e-mail or message a friend on a social media platform such as Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, etc. than to send letters via the mail. Does this ease-free way of communication have any negative effects on modern day society? The question at hand here is “How has social networking and technology affected infidelity in relationships?” Women and men become comfortable in their relationship, and after a while may start to question if there are any other people of the opposite gender who would be interested in them besides their other half. To find out the answer, they turn to internet infidelity.

Dr. Gerald Weeks is a professor in the Department of Marriage and Family Therapy at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas. During an interview with fellow therapist Travis Smith, Weeks stated that infidelity is a bit of a “nebulous term” because infidelity can happen in different ways including, but not limited to, online infidelity (Smith). According to psychologists, the past decade has shown a rise in internet dating and issues with online infidelity (Whiting, Cravens and Leckie). However, with the internet being as young as it is, only a limited number of studies have examined problematic online infidelity-related (IR) behaviors (McDaniel, Drouin and Cravens). That does not by any means suggest that no research at all has been conducted. In fact, in 2006 psychologists Hertlein and Piercy engaged in a review of research publications on the newly emerging topic of online infidelity. Ten years later, Andreas Vossler furthered their research and helped research on internet infidelity reach its “adolescence” (Vossler). She found that the term ‘internet infidelity’ is tough to define and does not have one strict definition. The definition is so hard to come by because it “varies from person to person”. In a study taken by Henlein et al.’s in 2007, participants were asked to classify activities they thought to be a part of internet infidelity. These activities included cybersex and sexual chat to emotional involvement online, flirting, chatting, lying to the online contact, and activities which interfered with real-life relationships (Vossler). Vossler believes that one reason for the “messiness” of definitions of internet infidelity might be the fact that it is still a relatively new phenomenon. Similarly, Dr. Weeks states that infidelity is not only “genital involvement with another person” that many practitioners have adopted, but includes another aspect of “being done without expressed knowledge or consent of one’s partner” (Smith). Online infidelity is behaviorally different from other types of infidelity. In this sense, the associated factors are yet to be well understood and makes internet infidelity even harder to define (Martins, Pereira and Andrade). Although it is tough for many psychologists to define and there is not one strict definition, Judy Chambers, a psychologist from the University of North Florida, stated in an interview that infidelity is any covert contact, whether it is via texting, emailing, computer chatting, engaging in internet pornography, talking on the phone, meeting in person, (with or without physical touch) with someone other than a person’s committed partner. This is a strong, broad definition that will help to better understand internet infidelity and its effects.

With many new technological advances in society, infidelity of any type is much more accessible. There is no evidence to claim that the rise in technology caused a rise in infidelity but according to many experts the two correlate. Dr. Weeks claims that technology has provided a “super highway” for individuals to step outside their relationship (Smith). Judy Chambers believes that this new “super highway” creates a "false sense of security and has made many people far more adventurous about getting that “rush” that comes along with the endorphin release associated with a new romantic love interest”. Not only has the creation of the internet shown a rise in infidelity but internet-related devices have also helped the unfaithful partner to cheat. For example, with the evolution of computers in the past ten years, increasingly interactive webcams, specific internet offers for adult dating and sexual entertainment, and improved video streaming have made infidelity a more appealing practice than before (Vossler). Weeks states that the computer just “makes things easier”. It is easier to talk without the knowledge of the partner, and it’s more tempting. He reflects on his clients and declares that because of the computer he sees more people slip than he did when he started family therapy 30 years ago (Smith). Similarly, Chambers states that she finds cheating to be far more accessible now due to the internet. “…in the past, a person had to openly flirt, engage in public conversation, show through body language an interest in another person, and overall be “seen” as having some interest in another, other than their partner”. In addition to computers, portable internet-enabled communication devices can aid the unfaithful party by providing them with even more opportunities to find electronic intimacy and sexual entertainment online, and to hide any online activities that could be seen as infidelity (Vossler).

With the internet and social media now being part of everyday life, there are ever-growing opportunities for partners to engage in unfaithful online behaviors. Social networking sites, such as Facebook, allow users to post comments, send private messages, ‘poke’ each other, and chat online (Whiting, Cravens and Leckie). As of 2015, 65% of American adults use social networking, and this has risen substantially over the last decade (McDaniel, Drouin and Cravens). A recent study involving couples showed that a greater amount of social networking use was related to lower levels of partner love. In fact, in 2008, 20% of divorce cases mentioned Facebook and in 2011 that number rose to 33% (Whiting, Cravens and Leckie). Facebook has become a main component in internet infidelity; with many researchers believing that the time people spend on Facebook and its intimate nature should be viewed on the more severe end of the infidelity spectrum, in comparison with chat rooms and viewing pornography (Whiting, Cravens and Leckie). Cravens et al. found the following Facebook-related infidelity behaviors most consistently reported the most dangerous: friending one’s ex-partner, private messaging, commenting on attractive user’s pictures, and posting an inaccurate relationship status (McDaniel, Drouin and Cravens). The ubiquity of Facebook has made it fertile ground for relationship betrayal. However, Facebook is not the only social networking platform that causes problems in relationships. Twitter has caused worries in nominal partnerships also. Unlike Facebook, where negative relationship outcomes were expected for those in a relationship for three years or less, Twitter usage related conflicts do not depend on relationship length. Regardless of relationship length, those who used Twitter more often were more likely to have conflict, and this predicted negative relationship outcomes (McDaniel, Drouin and Cravens).

Instagram has also caused problems. When a partner posts selfies on the app without the other partner in the picture it can lead to negative relationship outcomes. The fact that users can use these social networking sites privately at work or at home without attracting suspicion or getting in trouble as tfhey would while doing other unfaithful activities such as viewing pornography furthers their danger in relationships. Also, unless a partner gives their social media passwords then the interactions they have can remain private.

With so much outlets for betrayal in modern day society and so many opportunities some unfaithful partners do not see the harm in internet infidelity. For example, when interviewing users of an online chat room in 2007, the majority did not see their online activities as infidelity, and instead rationalized their chat room behavior by stating that their interactions were not unfaithful because there was “no physical contact” (Vossler). So, does this mean that as a society we have become immune to the harmful way infidelity makes us feel? Based on the way people react to finding out about infidelity; the answer is no. The same researchers as before found that the receiving partners do define chat room interaction as infidelity and that they do feel betrayed by it. They claim that the feeling of being deceived online is “just as devastating as traditional infidelity” (Vossler). Across cultures people find sexual infidelity a betrayal within a pair bond, and both men and women are typically distressed by a partner’s infidelity (Kruger, Fisher and Fitzgerald). Finding out about infidelity can cause serious depressive episodes and lead to a breakup or divorce. In fact, in one study 22% of participants who found out about infidelity in their relationship divorced or separated as a result (Whiting, Cravens and Leckie). Men and women alike both react in serious ways when finding out about infidelity. Men may experience severe jealousy, negative affect, and exhibit aggressive sexual behaviors. Women, on the other hand, who experience a marital partner’s infidelity are six times as likely to be diagnosed with a major depressive episode (Kruger, Fisher and Fitzgerald). Also, the way in which the betrayed finds out influences their reaction. The most damaging method of discovery was through third party sources, followed by catching them “red-handed”, explicit information seeking, and lastly through the partner’s unsolicited disclosure. Even then the relationship is not doomed. In a sample, 81.3% of partners who were told about their loved one’s infidelity had felt disclosure to be a good thing. That it shows them that their significant other is ready to work on their relationship and move on (Seedall, Houghtaling and Wilkins). It is plain to see that although many people in society today do participate in some type of internet infidelity we as a culture are not immune to it. Nonparticipating partners may experience a range of emotions such as anger, depression, shame, isolation, betrayal, loss of trust, rejection, etc. (Whiting, Cravens and Leckie).

Although the two genders react differently to infidelity, men and women both participate in infidelity and at different amounts. 23% of men and 15% of women in the U.S. have engaged in at least one extra-marital affair. 23% of men and 19% of women in another study report having sexual infidelity in their current relationship (Kruger, Fisher and Fitzgerald). However, there is no one gender that is less guilty than the next. Men were more likely to report engagement in face-to-face physical/sexual Extra dyadic Involvement than women were with 23.4% admitting as opposed to the 15.5% of women. They are also more likely to admit to online sexual EDI with a rate of 15.3% vs. 4.6% (Martins, Pereira and Andrade). So why are men more okay with admitting what they have done? Well, that is associated with their amount of guilt. On average, men often experience less guilt than women after infidelity (Kruger, Fisher and Fitzgerald). Some men have a passive attitude towards infidelity viewing it as a sexual need and studies suggest that the more permissive toward infidelity are consistent predictors of personal involvement and willingness to engage (Martins, Pereira and Andrade). As stated before both men and women have admitted to cheating, but why? What leads them to cheat? There are a plethora of answers and no two people act the same; however there are certain temptations that all psychologists agree upon. A diminished marital satisfaction can lead partners to seek solace with someone else. Also, the more sexual partners one has had prior to marriage can increase their chances of cheating (Smith). When it comes to internet infidelity there are certain factors that could increase cheating. Psychologists call them the “three A’s” of the internet: Acceptability, Ambiguity, and Accommodation. Behaviors that are not accepted in society are accepted online, the definition of internet infidelity is hazy, and acting out needs and desires through the internet allows for users to live electronic polygamy while sustaining a monogamous relationship off-line (Vossler).

In society today there are immense infidelity related issues, but is there any way to get past them or to avoid them at all? In a sense, could internet infidelity be dodged in relationships? Many therapists believe that treating infidelity can be a difficult process even for the most seasoned therapists (Hertlein and Piercy). However, it does not have to be the ultimate ending to relationships. Many therapists have tips and steps for moving past infidelity or avoiding it. Judy Chambers tells her clients that “both people need to admit their wrongdoings, get everything out in the open, genuinely asked for forgiveness, give forgiveness, ask any questions they need to ask in a safe environment, accept the answers, and make a conscious decision to put the infidelity in the past and move forward with their partner in a renewed, committed partnership” to move on from infidelity. Some other steps from other psychologists include managing shock and damage control, exploring context and finding meaning, and moving on (Gordon, Baucom and Snyder). Other tips to avoid and/or treat infidelity are develop physical boundaries, develops psychological boundaries, assess your context and readiness for change, assess the presence of unique circumstances, work towards forgiveness (Hertlein and Piercy), and establish clear boundaries regarding secrets and ongoing affairs (Vossler and Moller). By following these steps and remembering these tips internet infidelity does not have to be the end to relationships and could possibly be avoided entirely.

There is no direct causation between the increase in social networking and technology on the amount of infidelity present in relationships, but the correlation between them is strong in today’s world. In a globalized world, we are all interconnected so setting boundaries is important in any relationship; dating or married. Infidelity is tough and widespread, but with correct measures it can be avoided.

Works Cited

Hertlein, Katherine and Fred Piercy. "Essential Elements of Internet Infidelity Treatment." Journal of martial and family therapy 38 (2012): 257-270. 2017.

Kruger, Daniel, Maryanne Fisher and Carey Fitzgerald. "Factors Unfluencing the Intended Likelihood of Exposing Sexual Infidelity." Archives of Sexual Behavior 44.6 (2014): 1697-1703. 2017.

Martins, Alexandra, et al. "Infidelity in Dating Relationships: Gender-Specific Correlates of Face-to-Face and Online Extradyadic Involvement." Archives of Sexual Behavior 45.1 (2016): 193-205. 2017.

Smith, Travis. "Understanding Infidelity: An Interview with Travis Smtih." The Family Journal 19.3 (2011): 333-339. 2017.

"Understanding Infidelity: An Interview with Gerald Weeks." (n.d.).

Vossler, Andreas and Naomi Moller. ""The relationship past can't be the future": couple counsellors' experiences of working with infidelity." Sexual and Relationship Therapy 29.4 (2014): 424-435. 2017.

Vossler, Andreas. "Internet Infidelity 10 Years On: A Critical Review of the Literature." The Family Journal 24.4 (2016): 359-366. 2017.

Whiting, Jason, Jaclyn Cravens and Kaitlin Leckie. "Facebook Infidelity: When Poking Becomes Problematic." Contemporary Family Therapy 35.1 (2013): 74-90. 2017.

Anchor 2

Reflection

Project 2 was my favorite projects so far! It was so nice to be able to once again choose the topic I wanted to write on. I enjoyed doing the research and finding out how many different psychologists define infidelity and how it has affected their patients and sometimes themselves. Draft 1 was where I did my initial research and wrote the paper. The information I got from my research was so powerful and impressive that I was easy to incorporate them into my paper and use them to further my ethos with my audience. Every one of my ten sources were peer reviewed and scholarly. By using sources only from the FSU librrary it was easier for me to stick to articles and journals that were academic and informative rather than not. After I submitted draft 1 to my group my two partners gave me wonderful feedback. They asked me to separate some of my paragraphs and to make my conclusion stronger. After changing that I submitted my draft 2 for my conference. Professor Bradley told me to try to break away from the subheadings and add transitions as well as strong specific examples as to what social networking cites I was referring to. After I made all of those changes, I submitted my final draft. Project 2 was another interesting and fun project.

Anchor 3

Research Proposal

The modern-day world is about as globalized as it can possibly be. Many practices that have been implemented have become outdated and overshadowed in the past 10 years with the creation of the internet for everyday use. For example, the practice of “snail mail”, or the postal delivery service, that has been delivered for centuries is no longer. Nowadays people find it easier and less time consuming to send electronic mail (email) or message a friend on a social media platform such as Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, etc. How has this easy and more private form of communication affected relationships and the loyalty of partners to each other? With private accounts protected by passwords, many people find it uncomplicated and effortless to send a simple message to a person of the opposite gender. This practice as opposed to the former alternative or writing a flirtatious letter, hiding it, mailing it and on the other hand opening a secret private letter away from your significant other, mailing a letter back, etc. is much more plausible. Not only is it simply the messaging factor of social media that leads to disloyalty, it is the constant temptation of good-looking people posting alluring pictures on their accounts. The term “the grass is always greener on the other side” applies to these situations. Women and men become comfortable in their relationship after a while and may start to question if there are any other people of the opposite gender who would be interested in them besides their other half. This curiosity is what leads people to merely send a message or friendship request to someone other than their boyfriend/girlfriend.

I am inspired to write on this topic because a couple of years ago, my father was cheated on by my former step-mom and I would love to understand how her use of social media lead her to do what she did. Also, I would love to know how the accessibility to her due to her use of social media lead to her ultimate unfaithfulness.

I will interview Judy Chambers who has a bachelor’s degree in Psychology from the University of North Florida. She will help me to understand why people are tempted to cheat and how she thinks social media and the globalization of the internet have made people think it’s safe to cheat.

Anchor 4

Interview

1. What is your background in sociology?

I have a BSW (Bachelor of Social Work) which is a degree in which there is a strong influence directly focused on human behavior in an individual’s environment. Many of the classes in my course work were Sociology classes that studied various topics, such as how people were affected by things going on around them, and how those things affected their decision making and thought processes. This included, but certainly was not limited to, new advances in technology and the information highway we have all become so accustomed to.

2. What made you want to get into that field?

I have always had a deep passion for people, and I have always been fascinated by why we behave in the ways that we behave. Specifically, I have always had a deep curiosity about other people’s life experiences and how those individual experiences shape the person into who they currently are, and where those experiences may lead them in the future. I believe that we are all products of our environment, and my many years of experience as a Social Worker/Sociologist has continued to prove my theory.

3. How do you define infidelity?

I define infidelity as any COVERT contact, whether it is via texting, emailing, computer chatting, engaging in internet pornography, talking on the phone, meeting in person, (with or without physical touch) with someone other than a person’s committed partner. By covert, I mean that there is a deliberate intention to hide the interactions ongoing between the two parties.

Having said that, COMMITTED PARTNER is the key phrase here. I do NOT consider infidelity to be any of the above if the two people have not had an occasion to make their intentions to be monogamous clear to the other person. Until there has been an agreement by both people, and there is a clear understanding that the relationship is exclusive to the two of them, I would not consider any of the above to be infidelity, as that would be based on an assumption by the other person, and NOT a mutually exclusive agreement.

4. Do you think internet infidelity should be considered as bad as actual physical infidelity in person?

I feel that every case is different, and generalizing about what is “as bad” as something else is a very slippery slope. As humans, we all have the right to feel how we feel based on the things that have happened in our lives, and our individual belief systems. I always tell my clients, “You can’t argue with someone else’s feelings. Just because you would feel one way about the situation, doesn’t mean they should, or do, feel the same way.” I believe that in cases of infidelity, BOTH people involved should take an honest look at how each one of them has contributed to the current state of the relationship. After this honest assessment, I believe that even the person that has been “cheated on” will likely see that, even though it hurts, they have contributed in some way to the relationship dissatisfaction that led to the cheating to begin with. Once this process has happened, the healing process can begin if both people come together asking for forgiveness and genuinely make an effort to recommit to the relationship and maintain the integrity of the relationship at all costs.

5. Has infidelity affected anyone you know personally? If so, how did it affect them in your professional opinion?

Infidelity has affected many people I know personally and in my professional opinion, the couples that fared the best and went on to have even more fulfilling and loving long term relationships were the ones that went through the process I described above. Both people admitted their wrongdoings, got everything out in the open, genuinely asked for forgiveness, gave forgiveness, asked any questions they needed to ask in a safe environment, accepted the answers, and make a conscious decision to put the infidelity in the past and move forward with their partner in a renewed, committed partnership.

6. Do you think that the creation of social networking and the enhancement of technology has affected cheating? For example, how people cheat, why they cheat, etc.

Absolutely. Social networking and technology has provided a direct vehicle into other people’s homes, and their intimate relationships. As little as 20 years ago, a person would have had to leave their home, go out to a public meeting space, and risk being “discovered” by their significant other, or others in their community. Now, people can sit behind a computer or phone screen and interact with anyone they choose to without running the risk of being seen or discovered doing so. This has created a false sense of security and has made many people far more adventurous about getting that “rush” that comes along with the endorphin release associated with a new romantic love interest.

However, the “why” people cheat remains the same, which is overall relationship dissatisfaction. Therefore, my opinion is that the creation of social networking and technology has not really had much of an impact on people that would not normally cheat with, or without it.

7. Do you believe that cheating is more accessible now due to the internet?

As I said in the above question, I believe that cheating is far more accessible now due to the internet. In the past, a person had to openly flirt, engage in public conversation, show through body language an interest in another person, and overall be “seen” as having some interest in another, other than their partner. Many people would not risk the many negative consequences associated with being discovered when they had to do it publicly, while those same individuals would be more likely to do it through the privacy of their password locked phones and computers since the risk of getting caught is significantly decreased.

8. Do you believe that people cheat now that would not have cheated 30 years ago because of the ease of it?

I believe that people cheat because there is something about the relationship that they are dissatisfied with. This is a broad spectrum and could range from general boredom with the other person, to feeling trapped by the relationship and the responsibilities that come along with it, to not being physically attracted to their partner anymore, and the list goes on and on. It is my opinion that a person does not cheat because of the “ease” of it, they cheat because they are trying to satisfy a deeper need that is not being met in the relationship. So, I do not believe that the same person 30 years ago that would not have cheated on his or her partner, would not do it today, simply because of the ease that new technology has afforded.

9. What tips would you recommend for preventing infidelity in relationships and gaining trust?

In Diana Kirschner’s Book, “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide To Lasting Love,” she describes the Eight Habits of Living Love. They are:

Cultivating Intimacy
Enlightened Self Interest
Dedication and Service
Considering the Cost of Loss
Showing Appreciation and Gratitude
Practicing Care-Full Communication
Following Fight Club Rules
Collaborating as Teammates

These habits are fairly self-explanatory, but in general, I believe that if a couple committed to following these guidelines in their long-term relationship, they would discover that the level of commitment and dedication to their partner would be significantly increased over time, simply because we value what we work hard for.

When there is a strong commitment and mutual respect in a relationship, both people are more likely to feel safe with the other person and they trust that their partner will protect the integrity of the relationship. My professional opinion is that #6, Care-Full Communication, is the secret ingredient in ALL relationships, not just intimate relationships.

As humans, we all want to know that we are loved, valued, appreciated, understood and respected. If we are talked down to, yelled at, spoken to in a disrespectful tone, or feel like we are not being heard and understood, we tend to become frustrated, angry, resentful, bitter, and we begin to shut down emotionally. This is when the seeds of infidelity begin to grow in an intimate relationship.

There is an old adage that states, “It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.” I feel that communication is the most important factor in everything. If more people would begin to think about what they are saying and how it may be affecting the other person before they say it, I believe that more people would report a higher level of satisfaction in their marriages/partnerships, thus leading to less infidelity and more trust.

10. What tips would you recommend for couples that have experienced infidelity that are trying to cope past it?

All people are different in the way they handle the grief associated with betrayal, so there is not a “one size fits all” answer. However, there is a formula that has been proven to work, and if the couple follows it, research has shown that the partnership can survive, and even lead to a deeper love and more long term partnership satisfaction.

First and foremost, the partner that has cheated bears the burden of responsibility to show the other partner that they are genuinely remorseful and want to do whatever it takes to help heal the wounds that their indiscretion has caused their partner, and the overall strength of the relationship. The cheating partner MUST be 100% committed to admitting their mistakes and prove this by providing full disclosure, and making whatever adjustments necessary to ensure that their partner can begin to trust them and feel safe in the relationship moving forward.

At this point, the other partner needs to make a solid decision about whether, or not they choose to accept the partner’s apology and move forward, or whether to end the relationship. Another VERY IMPORTANT factor that needs to be addressed at this step is for the partner that has been cheated on to accept that even though they did not do the cheating, they have contributed in some way to the overall dissatisfaction that led to their partner deciding to try to find fulfillment elsewhere. This is a very difficult step for many people, especially when they are experiencing so many feelings of betrayal and grief. However, this is the critical decision that predicts the future partnership satisfaction for both people.

Of course, the emotions of both people will be up and down during the healing period, but it is extremely important for both people to be completely open and honest about everything during this critical phase. Many people fall into a “villain/victim” mentality, and that is the kiss of death for a couple trying to heal from infidelity.

As I stated earlier, we all want to know that we are heard and understood. By placing blame and taking on a victim mentality, the person that was cheated on is not truly listening to what the cheater is expressing as to what they were feeling at the time that led them to choose infidelity. A good relationship therapist can help facilitate the healing process, but only if both people are willing to look within themselves first, and then at the other person and the relationship. Relationships are not perfect because it is comprised of two imperfect individuals…the best we can hope for is for those two people to give unconditional love and acceptance to another imperfect person.

Anchor 5

Annotated Bibliography

Cravens, Jaclyn D., Kaitlin R. Leckie, and Jason B. Whiting. "Facebook Infidelity: When Poking Becomes Problematic." Contemporary Family Therapy 35.1 (2013): 74-90. Web.

In an attempt to further the research on the Internet and relationships, Cravens, Leckie, and Whiting ask about the specific role of social networking sites in relationship betrayal. The authors took stories about cheating from the website FacebookCheating.com and analyzed them. This research was geared at answering four essential questions: What is the experience of nonparticipating partners when their partners have engaged in infidelity behaviors on Facebook? What are the basic social processes that occur when discovering the infidelity behaviors? And, What are the basic psychological processes that occur? What similarities or differences exist between the current research on offline and online infidelity and the process model from the current study?

This source relates to my topic because it digs deep into how social media leads to infidelity in relationships and how the victim feels after finding they’ve been cheated on. This opens a new approach to my paper where I can talk about the effects that cheating has. This article also states possible warning signs and a graph that depicts the emotional experience for the person that was cheated on. All of my research topics go hand-in-hand and help to further my understanding of social media’s role in infidelity in relationships. This source, as some others do, ties infidelity directly to social media use.

Gordon, Kristina Coop, Donald H. Baucom, and Douglas K. Snyder. "Optimal Strategies in Couple Therapy: Treating Couples Dealing with the Trauma of Infidelity." Journal of Contemporary Psychotherapy 38.3 (2008): 151-60. Web.

This article is written by a practicing psychologist who specializes in marriage counseling. He states many facts about cheating in relationships including statistics on how many men and women cheat. Although this article is not tied directly to social media use it will help me gain ethos in my writing by using his findings and applying it to my topic. However, the main purpose of this article is to outline an approach to take when helping couples deal with infidelity. This new information can be used to show that although betrayal through social media can happen in relationships there are ways to get past them. This relates to other research I found from other therapists who also help couples move on from betrayal. This will help me to build a strong section in my paper. It ties to my first source because it also talks a little about how the cheated on reacts and feels.

Hertlein, Katherine M., and Fred P. Piercy. "Essential Elements of Internet Infidelity Treatment." Journal of marital and family therapy 38.supplement 1 (2012): 257-70. Web.

This article also relates to the treatment of couples after infidelity is uncovered. This author classifies infidelity into three categories: sexual, emotional, or a combination of the two. He discusses how the internet is the ‘two A’s’: accessible and affordable. He states seven reasons the internet can lead to infidelity. This article can help me to better relay to my audience just how much the internet has had an effect on loyalty in relationships. He also refers to AshleyMadison.com and websites like it which allow for married members to discreetly date other married members. I did not know websites like that existed and only further prove that the Internet and social media have an effect on the increase of infidelity in today’s society. Also, this article talks about how some therapist disagree on how to treat Internet infidelity. The reason he wrote this article was not to argue the ways that therapists approach the situation but rather to share the different ways with his reader which will help me to decide which ways I like best.

Kruger, Daniel J., Maryanne L. Fisher, and Carey J. Fitzgerald. "Factors Influencing the Intended Likelihood of Exposing Sexual Infidelity." Archives of Sexual Behavior 44.6 (2015): 1697-704. Web.

This piece explores some of the factors that could lead an individual to cheat on their significant other. Although there are many reasons that people do what they do this research provides just some specific examples. This article also has a lot of stats and facts that will make my paper more credible. The study that the researchers did for this article contributes a “broad initial description of factors influencing the predicted likelihood of exposing sexual infidelity.” Another new piece of information that this article taught me is the differences between men and women and how they react when they find out they have been cheated on. This information will be a good piece to put in my paper to further the psychological approach of how people let social media lead them to cheat. This article is filled with citations which I could possibly use as additional sources for my paper.

Martins, Alexandra, et al. "Infidelity in Dating Relationships: Gender-Specific Correlates of Face-to-Face and Online Extradyadic Involvement." Archives of Sexual Behavior 45.1 (2016): 193-205. Web.

This article relates to the last article in that it also examines gender roles in infidelity and how both genders react. This is another scientific experiment with a lot of facts and figures that I can incorporate into my paper. This article however goes into the statistics of men and women cheating as opposed to how men and women react to being cheated on. This is probably one of the most important sources I have because it has so many statistics that prove why people partake in affairs. This article combined with the previous source will give a good idea of why and what makes people cheat. This article states that face-to-face contact is more prevalent than internet contact which contradicts my question but it is good to have a conflicting idea to show that I really researched the topic. This article really shows how men and women act and what leads them to cheat on their significant others.

McDaniel, B. T., M. Drouin, and J. D. Cravens. "Do You have Anything to Hide? Infidelity-Related Behaviors on Social Media Sites and Marital Satisfaction." Computers in Human Behavior 66 (2017): 88-95. Web.

This article measures infidelity-related (IR) behaviors on social media of married couples. This piece of research parallels the most with the research I am doing. It primarily investigates how social media has played a role in increasing infidelity. The author claims however that infidelity over social media is more prominent with young adults and this infidelity is sparse among married couples. I learned from this source that it is not all that prominent in married relationship. However, there are still cases of IR behaviors in married people. The author states that a “growing body of research has examined the negative effects of social media usage on romantic relationships” and he delves into that research and how it pertains to IR breakups. This is a fantastic piece of research for my paper because it really goes into how Facebook and other social media platforms affect relationships.

Seedall, Ryan B., Austin Houghtaling, and Erica J. Wilkins. "Disclosing Extra-Dyadic Involvement (EDI): Understanding Attitudes, Subjective Norms, and Perceived Behavioral Control." Contemporary Family Therapy 35.4 (2013): 745-59. Web.

This piece of research examines how Extra-dyadic involvement (EDI) affects relationships. It focuses on the disclosure of EDI. In the study the researchers explored potential factors involved in the decision to disclose EDI by looking at the relationship among attitudes towards EDI, subjective norms, and perceived behavioral control associated with EDI disclosure. The research found that people feel a lower obligation to admit to EDI if nothing sexual happened which is a good indicator as to why people who flirt on social media do not feel they are cheating and do not tell their spouse. This source can be paired with the others about therapeutic treatment ideas to prove that disclosing extramarital activities is not the absolute end to relationships. This study studied couples where one of the partners has a prior addiction to sex and 81.3% felt disclosure to be a good thing and then he studied couples where no previous addiction was relevant and their distress because of the confession was higher than the couples facing addiction.

Smith, Travis. "Understanding Infidelity: An Interview with Gerald Weeks." The Family Journal 19.3 (2011): 333-9. Web.

This is an interview with Dr. Gerald Weeks. In this interview, Weeks defines infidelity and presents assessment strategies for treating the issue. The reason I chose this source is because during his interview Dr. Weeks was asked specifically about the issue of social media and how it pertain to infidelity. He addresses how technology and infidelity relate to each other and how the creation of technology has changed how therapists and people have to view infidelity. Infidelity, with the creation of technology such as social media/chatrooms/etc., has a much broader definition now than it did 30 years ago. This source is a very important one for my paper because it contains information on how technology affects infidelity and how to treat infidelity as a counselor. Although it is only a short interview it provides a good base for me to gather other information from my other sources to strengthen Dr. Weeks’ points.

Vossler, Andreas. "Internet Infidelity 10 Years on: A Critical Review of the Literature." The Family Journal 24.4 (2016): 359-66. Web.

This article provides a review of the literature on Internet infidelity published in the last 10 years. The review includes research articles and theoretical papers on the definition of Internet infidelity, factors contributing to it, the impact of online infidelity on couples and families, and treatment models and issues. Vossler wrote this article in order to continue the research on the literature of the Internet that Hertlein and Piercy conducted in 2006. Clearly more social uses for the Internet including numerous platforms have emerged in the last 10 years and Vossler is conducting research to see it has changed. She defines internet infidelity and the perceptions that go along with it. This article not only defines internet infidelity but also examines the factors contributing to Internet infidelity, the impact of Internet infidelity on couples and families, and the treatment of Internet infidelity. This source like the interview with Dr. Weeks combines all my sources and will help me to incorporate them all into my paper.

Vossler, Andreas, and Naomi P. Moller. ""The Relationship Past can't be the Future": Couple Counsellors' Experiences of Working with Infidelity." Sexual and Relationship Therapy 29.4 (2014): 424-35. Web.

This study explores couple counsellors’ experiences of working with couples affected by infidelity. It states how big of a problem infidelity is in relationships and how common it has become. In fact, according to this article it is estimated that about half of all couples seeking therapy have encountered infidelity. Also this article states that many couple counsellors do not feel adequately prepared to work with couples presenting with this issue. This source is good for me to use because not only does it access how infidelity has increased but also how couples should healthily resolve their issues by stating many different approaches they could take. The aim with this study was therefore to explore how British couple counsellors experience the counselling process with couples where one partner has been unfaithful, as well as what aspects of clients’ experiences with infidelity they perceive to pose challenges and difficulties when working therapeutically with this issue. This source is going to help me to further my idea of how infidelity doesn’t have to be the end of relationships.

Anchor 6

Draft 2

The world we live in today is as globalized as it ever will be. Many practices that have been implemented in the past have become outdated and overshadowed in the last10 years with the creation of the internet for everyday use. For example, the practice of “snail mail”, or the postal delivery service, that has been delivered for centuries is no longer. Nowadays people find it easier and less time consuming to send electronic mail (email) or message a friend on a social media platform such as Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, etc. Does this ease-free way of communication have any negative effects on modern day society? The question at hand here is “How has social networking and technology affected infidelity in relationships?” The term “the grass is always greener on the other side” applies to many situations of cyber-betrayal. Women and men become comfortable in their relationship, and after a while may start to question if there are any other people of the opposite gender who would be interested in them besides their other half. To find out the answer, they turn to internet infidelity.

Defining Internet Infidelity

Dr. Gerald Weeks is a professor in the Department of Marriage and Family Therapy at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas. During an interview with fellow therapist Travis Smith, Weeks stated that infidelity is a bit of a “nebulous term” because infidelity can happen in different ways including, but not limited to, online infidelity (Smith). According to psychologists, the past decade has shown a rise in internet dating and issues with online infidelity (Whiting, Cravens and Leckie). However, with the internet being as young as it is, only a limited number of studies have examined problematic online infidelity-related (IR) behaviors (McDaniel, Drouin and Cravens). That does not by any means suggest that no research at all has been conducted. In fact, in 2006 psychologists Hertlein and Piercy engaged in a review of research publications on the newly emerging topic of online infidelity. Ten years later, Andreas Vossler furthered their research and helped research on internet infidelity reach its “adolescence” (Vossler). She found that the term ‘internet infidelity’ is tough to define and does not have one strict definition. The definition is so hard to come by because it “varies from person to person”. In a study taken by Henlein et al.’s in 2007, participants were asked to classify activities they thought to be a part of internet infidelity. These activities included cybersex and sexual chat to emotional involvement online, flirting, chatting, lying to the online contact, and activities which interfered with real-life relationships (Vossler). Vossler believes that one reason for the “messiness” of definitions of internet infidelity might be the fact that it is still a relatively new phenomenon. Similarly, Dr. Weeks states that infidelity is not only “genital involvement with another person” that many practitioners have adopted, but includes another aspect of “being done without expressed knowledge or consent of one’s partner” (Smith). Online infidelity is behaviorally different from other types of infidelity. In this sense, the associated factors are yet to be well understood and makes internet infidelity even harder to define (Martins, Pereira and Andrade). Although it is tough for many psychologists to define and there is not one strict definition because of the many nuances that go along with it, for this paper it is safe to assume the internet infidelity is defined as any false/misleading activities done online that can be damaging to a relationship.

Technologies Impact on Infidelity

With many new technological advances in society, infidelity is much more accessible. There is no evidence to claim that the rise in technology caused a rise in infidelity but according to many experts the two correlate. Dr. Weeks claims that technology has provided a “super highway” for individuals to step outside their relationship (Smith). Not only has the creation of the internet shown a rise in infidelity but internet-related devices have also helped the unfaithful partner to cheat. For example, with the evolution of computers in the past ten years, increasingly interactive webcams, specific internet offers for adult dating and sexual entertainment, and improved video streaming have made infidelity a more appealing practice than before (Vossler). Weeks states that the computer just “makes things easier”. It is easier to talk without the knowledge of the partner, and it’s more tempting. He reflects on his clients and declares that because of the computer he sees more people slip than he did when he started family therapy 30 years ago (Smith). In addition to computers, portable internet-enabled communication devices can aid the unfaithful party by providing them with even more opportunities to find electronic intimacy and sexual entertainment online, and to hide any online activities that could be seen as infidelity (Vossler).

Social Networking’s Impact on Infidelity

With the internet and social media now being part of everyday life in the Western world, there are ever-growing opportunities for partners to engage in unfaithful online behaviors. Social networking sites are web-based communities designed to allow users to search for and add other members of online communities. These sites allow users to post comments, send private messages, ‘poke’ each other, and chat online (Whiting, Cravens and Leckie). As of 2015, 65% of American adults use social networking, and this has risen substantially over the last decade (McDaniel, Drouin and Cravens). A recent study involving couples showed that a greater amount of social networking use was related to lower levels of partner love. In fact, in 2008, 20% of divorce cases mentioned Facebook and in 2011 that number rose to 33% (Whiting, Cravens and Leckie). Facebook has become a main component in internet infidelity; with many researchers believing that the time people spend on Facebook and its intimate nature should be viewed on the more severe end of the infidelity spectrum, in comparison with chat rooms and viewing pornography (Whiting, Cravens and Leckie). Cravens et al. found the following Facebook-related infidelity behaviors most consistently reported the most dangerous: friending one’s ex-partner, private messaging, commenting on attractive user’s pictures, and posting an inaccurate relationship status (McDaniel, Drouin and Cravens). The ubiquity of Facebook has made it fertile ground for relationship betrayal. However, Facebook is not the only social networking platform that causes problems in relationships. Twitter has caused worries in nominal partnerships also. Unlike Facebook, where negative relationship outcomes were expected for those in a relationship for three years or less, Twitter usage related conflicts do not depend on relationship length. Regardless of relationship length, those who used Twitter more often were more likely to have conflict, and this predicted negative relationship outcomes (McDaniel, Drouin and Cravens). Instagram has also caused problems. When a partner posts selfies on the app without the other partner in the picture it can lead to negative relationship outcomes. The fact that users can use these social networking sites privately at work or at home without attracting suspicion or getting in trouble as they would while doing other unfaithful activities such as viewing pornography furthers their danger in relationships. Also, unless a partner gives their social media passwords then the interactions they have can remain private.

Internet Infidelity’s Effect on the Betrayed

With so much outlets for betrayal in modern day society some unfaithful partners do not see the harm in internet infidelity. For example, when interviewing users of an online chat room in 2007, the majority did not see their online activities as infidelity, and instead rationalized their chat room behavior by stating that their interactions were not unfaithful because there was “no physical contact” (Vossler). So, does this mean that as a society we have become immune to the harmful way infidelity makes us feel? Based on the way people react to finding out about infidelity; the answer is no. The same researchers as before found that the receiving partners do define chat room interaction as infidelity and that they do feel betrayed by it. They claim that the feeling of being deceived online is “just as devastating as traditional infidelity” (Vossler). Across cultures people find sexual infidelity a betrayal within a pair bond, and both men and women are typically distressed by a partner’s infidelity (Kruger, Fisher and Fitzgerald). Finding out about infidelity can cause serious depressive episodes and lead to a breakup or divorce. In fact, in one study 22% of participants who found out about infidelity in their relationship divorced or separated as a result (Whiting, Cravens and Leckie). Men and women alike both react in serious ways when finding out about infidelity. Men may experience severe jealousy, negative affect, and exhibit aggressive sexual behaviors. Women, on the other hand, who experience a marital partner’s infidelity are six times as likely to be diagnosed with a major depressive episode (Kruger, Fisher and Fitzgerald). Also, the way in which the betrayed finds out influences their reaction. The most damaging method of discovery was through third party sources, followed by catching them “red-handed”, explicit information seeking, and lastly through the partner’s unsolicited disclosure. Even then the relationship is not doomed. In a sample, 81.3% of partners who were told about their loved one’s infidelity had felt disclosure to be a good thing. That it shows them that their significant other is ready to work on their relationship and move on (Seedall, Houghtaling and Wilkins). It is plain to see that although many people in society today do participate in some type of internet infidelity we as a culture are not immune to it. Nonparticipating partners may experience a range of emotions such as anger, depression, shame, isolation, betrayal, loss of trust, rejection, etc. (Whiting, Cravens and Leckie).

Men, Women, and Why?

Men and Women participate in infidelity different amounts. 23% of men and 15% of women in the U.S. have engaged in at least one extra-marital affair. 23% of men and 19% of women in another study report having sexual infidelity in their current relationship (Kruger, Fisher and Fitzgerald). However, there is no one gender that is less guilty than the next. Men were more likely to report engagement in face-to-face physical/sexual Extradyadic Involvement than women were with 23.4% admitting as opposed to the 15.5% of women. They are also more likely to admit to online sexual EDI with a rate of 15.3% vs. 4.6% (Martins, Pereira and Andrade). So why are men more okay with admitting what they have done? Well, that is associated with their amount of guilt. On average, men often experience less guilt than women after infidelity (Kruger, Fisher and Fitzgerald). Some men have a passive attitude towards infidelity viewing it as a sexual need and studies suggest that the more permissive toward infidelity are consistent predictors of personal involvement and willingness to engage (Martins, Pereira and Andrade). As stated before both men and women have admitted to cheating, but why? What leads them to cheat? There are a plethora of answers and no two people act the same; however there are certain temptations that all psychologists agree upon. A diminished marital satisfaction can lead partners to seek solace with someone else. Also, the more sexual partners one has had prior to marriage can increase their chances of cheating (Smith). When it comes to internet infidelity there are certain factors that could increase cheating. Psychologists call them the “three A’s” of the internet: Acceptability, Ambiguity, and Accommodation. Behaviors that are not accepted in society are accepted online, the definition of internet infidelity is hazy, and acting out needs and desires through the internet allows for users to live electronic polygamy while sustaining a monogamous relationship off-line (Vossler).

Does Hope Remain?

There are immense infidelity related issues in modern day society, but is there any way to get past them or to avoid them at all? In a sense, could internet infidelity be dodged in relationships? Many therapists believe that treating infidelity can be a difficult process even for the most seasoned therapists (Hertlein and Piercy). However, it does not have to be the ultimate ending to relationships. Many therapists have tips and steps for moving past infidelity or avoiding it. Some steps include managing shock and damage control, exploring context and finding meaning, and moving on (Gordon, Baucom and Snyder). Other tips to avoid or treat infidelity are develop physical boundaries, develops psychological boundaries, assess your context and readiness for change, assess the presence of unique circumstances, and work towards forgiveness (Hertlein and Piercy).Also, establishing clear boundaries regarding secrets and ongoing affairs (Vossler and Moller). By following these steps and remembering these tips internet infidelity does not have to be the end to relationships and could possibly be avoided entirely.

Works Cited

Gordon, Kristina, Donald Baucom and Douglas Snyder. "Optimal Strategies in Couple Therapy: Treating Couples Dealing with the Trauma of Infidelity." Journal of Contemporary Psychotherapy 38.3 (2008): 151-160. 2017. <http://download.springer.com.proxy.lib.fsu.edu/static/pdf/289/art%253A10.1007%252Fs10879-008-9085-1.pdf?originUrl=http%3A%2F%2Flink.springer.com%2Farticle%2F10.1007%2Fs10879-008-9085-1&token2=exp=1487731939~acl=%2Fstatic%2Fpdf%2F289%2Fart%25253A10.1007%25>.

Hertlein, Katherine and Fred Piercy. "Essential Elements of Internet Infidelity Treatment." Journal of martial and family therapy 38 (2012): 257-270. 2017. <http://ha6lk3ly9z.search.serialssolutions.com/?ctx_ver=Z39.88-2004&ctx_enc=info%3Aofi%2Fenc%3AUTF-8&rfr_id=info%3Asid%2Fsummon.serialssolutions.com&rft_val_fmt=info%3Aofi%2Ffmt%3Akev%3Amtx%3Ajournal&rft.genre=article&rft.atitle=Essential+Elements+of+Inter>.

Kruger, Daniel, Maryanne Fisher and Carey Fitzgerald. "Factors Unfluencing the Intended Likelihood of Exposing Sexual Infidelity." Archives of Sexual Behavior 44.6 (2014): 1697-1703. 2017. <http://link.springer.com.proxy.lib.fsu.edu/article/10.1007%2Fs10508-014-0469-x>.

Martins, Alexandra, et al. "Infidelity in Dating Relationships: Gender-Specific Correlates of Face-to-Face and Online Extradyadic Involvement." Archives of Sexual Behavior 45.1 (2016): 193-205. 2017. <http://download.springer.com.proxy.lib.fsu.edu/static/pdf/896/art%253A10.1007%252Fs10508-015-0576-3.pdf?originUrl=http%3A%2F%2Flink.springer.com%2Farticle%2F10.1007%2Fs10508-015-0576-3&token2=exp=1487731138~acl=%2Fstatic%2Fpdf%2F896%2Fart%25253A10.1007%25>.

McDaniel, Brandon, Michelle Drouin and Jaclyn Cravens. "Do you have anything to hide? Infidelity-related behaviors on social media sites and marital satisfaction." Computers in Human Behavior 66 (2017): 88-95. 2017. <http://ac.els-cdn.com.proxy.lib.fsu.edu/S0747563216306586/1-s2.0-S0747563216306586-main.pdf?_tid=85cbd092-f8a6-11e6-8a30-00000aab0f6b&acdnat=1487730657_e6b433751badd12837e7ca307fe62836>.

Seedall, Ryan, Austin Houghtaling and Erica Wilkins. "Disclosing Extra-Dyadic Involvement (EDI): Understanding Attitudes, Subjective Norms, and Perceived Behavioral Control." Contemporary Family Therapy 35.4 (2013): 745-759. 2017. <http://download.springer.com.proxy.lib.fsu.edu/static/pdf/380/art%253A10.1007%252Fs10591-013-9243-9.pdf?originUrl=http%3A%2F%2Flink.springer.com%2Farticle%2F10.1007%2Fs10591-013-9243-9&token2=exp=1487731808~acl=%2Fstatic%2Fpdf%2F380%2Fart%25253A10.1007%25>.

Smith, Travis. "Understanding Infidelity: An Interview with Travis Smtih." The Family Journal 19.3 (2011): 333-339. 2017. <http://journals.sagepub.com.proxy.lib.fsu.edu/doi/pdf/10.1177/1066480711405445>.

"Understanding Infidelity: An Interview with Gerald Weeks." (n.d.).

Vossler, Andreas. "Internet Infidelity 10 Years On: A Critical Review of the Literature." The Family Journal 24.4 (2016): 359-366. 2017. <http://journals.sagepub.com.proxy.lib.fsu.edu/doi/pdf/10.1177/1066480716663191>.

Whiting, Jason, Jaclyn Cravens and Kaitlin Leckie. "Facebook Infidelity: When Poking Becomes Problematic." Contemporary Family Therapy 35.1 (2013): 74-90. 2017. <http://download.springer.com.proxy.lib.fsu.edu/static/pdf/208/art%253A10.1007%252Fs10591-012-9231-5.pdf?originUrl=http%3A%2F%2Flink.springer.com%2Farticle%2F10.1007%2Fs10591-012-9231-5&token2=exp=1487731546~acl=%2Fstatic%2Fpdf%2F208%2Fart%25253A10.1007%25>.

Draft 1

Anchor 7

The world we live in today is probably as globalized as it ever will be. Many practices that have been implemented in the past have become outdated and overshadowed in the last10 years with the creation of the internet for everyday use. For example, the practice of “snail mail”, or the postal delivery service, that has been delivered for centuries is no longer. Nowadays people find it easier and less time consuming to send electronic mail (email) or message a friend on a social media platform such as Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, etc. Does this ease-free way of communication have any negative effects on modern day society. The question at hand here is “How has social networking and technology affected infidelity in relationships?” The term “the grass is always greener on the other side” applies to many situations of cyber-betrayal. Women and men become comfortable in their relationship after a while and may start to question if there are any other people of the opposite gender who would be interested in them besides their other half. To find out the answer, they turn to internet infidelity.

Defining Internet Infidelity

Dr. Gerald Weeks is a professor in the Department of Marriage and Family Therapy at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas. During an interview with fellow therapist Travis Smith, Weeks stated that infidelity is a bit of a “nebulous term” because infidelity can happen in different ways including, but not limited to, online infidelity (Smith). According to psychologists, the past decade has shown a rise in internet dating and issues with online infidelity (Whiting, Cravens and Leckie). However, with the internet being as young as it is, only a limited number of studies have examined problematic online infidelity-related (IR) behaviors (McDaniel, Drouin and Cravens). That does not by any means suggest that no research at all has been conducted. In fact, in 2006 psychologists Hertlein and Piercy engaged in a systematic review of research publications on the newly emerging topic of online infidelity. Ten years later, Andreas Vossler furthered their research and has helped research on internet infidelity reach its “adolescence” (Vossler). She found that the term ‘internet infidelity’ is tough to define and does not have one strict definition. The definition is so hard to come by because it “varies from person to person”. In a study taken by Henlein et al.’s in 2007 participants were asked to classify activities they thought to be a part of internet infidelity. These activities included cybersex and sexual chat to emotional involvement online, flirting, chatting, lying to the online contact, and activities which interfered with real-life relationships (Vossler). Vossler believes that one reason for the “messiness” of definitions of internet infidelity might be the fact that it is still a relatively new phenomenon. Similarly, Dr. Weeks states that infidelity is not only “genital involvement with another person” that many practitioners have adopted, but includes another aspect of “being done without expressed knowledge or consent of one’s partner” (Smith). Online infidelity is behaviorally different from other types of infidelity. In this sense, the associated factors are yet to be well understood and makes internet infidelity even harder to define (Martins, Pereira and Andrade). Although it is tough for many psychologists to define and there is not one strict definition because of the many nuances that go along with it, for this paper it is safe to assume the internet infidelity is defined as any false/misleading activities done online that can be damaging to a relationship.

Technologies Impact on Infidelity

With many new technological advances in society, infidelity is much more accessible. There is no evidence to claim that the rise in technology caused a rise in infidelity but according to many experts the two definitely correlate. Dr. Weeks claims that technology has provided a “super highway” for individuals to step outside their relationship (Smith). Not only has the creation of the internet shown a rise in infidelity but internet-related devices have also helped the unfaithful partner cheat with more ease. For example, with the evolution of computers in the past ten years, increasingly interactive webcams, specific internet offers for adult dating and sexual entertainment, and improved video streaming have made infidelity a much more appealing practice than before (Vossler). Weeks states that the computer just “makes things easier”. It is easier to talk without the knowledge of the partner, and it’s more tempting. He reflects on his clients and declares that because of the computer he sees more people slip than he did when he started family therapy 30 years ago (Smith). In addition to computers, portable internet-enabled communication devices can aid the unfaithful party by providing them with even more opportunities to find electronic intimacy and sexual entertainment online, and to hide any online activities that could be seen as infidelity (Vossler).

Social Networking’s Impact on Infidelity

With the internet and social media now being part of everyday life in the Western world, there are ever-growing opportunities for partners to engage in unfaithful online behaviors. Social networking sites are web-based communities designed to allow more users to search for and add other members of online communities. These sites allow users to post comments, send private messages, ‘poke’ each other, and chat online (Whiting, Cravens and Leckie). As of 2015, 65% of American adults use social networking, and this has risen substantially over the last decade (McDaniel, Drouin and Cravens). In 2012, the amount of Facebook users reached 1 billion. A recent study involving couples showed that a greater amount of social networking use was related to lower levels of partner love. In fact, in 2008, 20% of divorce cases mentioned Facebook and in 2011 that number rose to 33% (Whiting, Cravens and Leckie). Facebook has become a main component in internet infidelity with many researchers believing that the time people spend on Facebook and its intimate nature to question if the social media platform should be viewed on the more severe end of the infidelity spectrum, in comparison with chat rooms and viewing pornography (Whiting, Cravens and Leckie). Cravens et al. found in 2013 the following Facebook-related infidelity behaviors most consistently reported the most dangerous: friending one’s ex-partner, private messaging, commenting on attractive user’s pictures, and posting an inaccurate relationship status (McDaniel, Drouin and Cravens). The ubiquity of Facebook and its online have made it fertile ground for relationship betrayal. However, Facebook is not the only social networking platform that causes problems in relationships. Twitter has caused worries in nominal partnerships also. Unlike Facebook, where negative relationship outcomes were expected for those in a relationship for three years or less, Twitter usage related conflicts do not depend on relationship length. Regardless of relationship length, those who used Twitter more often were more likely to have conflict, and this predicted negative relationship outcomes (McDaniel, Drouin and Cravens). Instagram has also caused problems. When a partner posts selfies on the app without the other partner in the picture it can lead to negative relationship outcomes. The fact that users can use these social networking sites privately at work or at home without attracting suspicion or getting in trouble as they would while doing other unfaithful activities such as viewing pornography furthers their danger in relationships. Also, unless a

partner gives their partner their social media passwords then the interactions they have can remain private.

Internet Infidelity’s Effect on the Betrayed

With so much outlets for betrayal in modern day society some unfaithful partners do not see the harm in internet infidelity. For example, when interviewing users of an online chat room in 2007, the majority of users did not see their online activities as infidelity, and instead rationalized their chat room behavior by stating that their interactions were not an example of infidelity because there was “no physical contact” (Vossler). So, does this mean that as a society we have become immune to the harmful way infidelity makes us feel? Based on the way people react to finding out about infidelity; the answer is no. The same researchers as before found that the receiving partners do define chat room interaction as infidelity and that they do feel betrayed by it. They claim that the feeling of being deceived online is “just as devastating as traditional infidelity” (Vossler). Across cultures people find sexual infidelity a betrayal within a pair bond, and both men and women are typically distressed by a partner’s infidelity (Kruger, Fisher and Fitzgerald). Finding out about infidelity can cause serious depressive episodes and lead to a breakup or divorce. In fact, in one study 22% of participants who found out about infidelity in their relationship divorced or separated as a result (Whiting, Cravens and Leckie). Men and women alike both react in serious ways when finding out they’ve been cheated on. Men may experience severe jealousy, negative affect, and exhibit aggressive sexual behaviors ranging from aggressive sexual intercourse to rape. Women, on the other hand, who experience a marital partner’s infidelity are six times as likely to be diagnosed with a major depressive episode (Kruger, Fisher and Fitzgerald). Also, the way in which the betrayed finds out influences their reaction. The most damaging method of discovery was through third party sources, followed by catching them “red-handed”, explicit information seeking, and lastly through the partner’s unsolicited disclosure. Even then the relationship is not doomed. In a sample, 81.3% of partners who were told about their loved one’s infidelity had felt disclosure to be a good thing. That it shows them that their significant other is ready to work on their relationship and move on (Seedall, Houghtaling and Wilkins). It is plain to see that although many people in society today do participate in some type of internet infidelity we as a culture are not immune to it. Nonparticipating partners may experience a range of emotions such as anger, depression, helplessness, shame, isolation, guilt, betrayal, loss of trust, rejection, etc. (Whiting, Cravens and Leckie).

Men, Women, and Why?

Men and Women participate in infidelity different amounts. 23% of men and 15% of women in the U.S. have engaged in at least one extra-marital affair. 23% of men and 19% of women in another study report having sexual infidelity in their current relationship (Kruger, Fisher and Fitzgerald). However, there is no one gender that is less guilty than the next. Men were more likely to report engagement in face-to-face physical/sexual EDI (Extradyadic Involvement) than women were with 23.4% admitting as opposed to the 15.5% of women. They are also more likely to admit to online sexual EDI with a rate of 15.3% vs. 4.6% (Martins, Pereira and Andrade). So why are men more okay with admitting what they have done? Well that is associated with their amount of guilt. On average, men often experience less guilt than women after infidelity (Kruger, Fisher and Fitzgerald). Some men have a passive attitude towards infidelity viewing it as a sexual need and numerous studies suggest that the more permissive toward infidelity are consistent predictors of personal involvement and willingness to engage (Martins, Pereira and Andrade). As stated before both men and women have admitted to cheating but why? What leads them to cheat? There are a plethora of answers and no two people act the same however there are certain temptations that all psychologists agree upon. A diminished marital satisfaction can lead partners to seek solace with someone else. Also, the more sexual partners one has had prior to marriage can increase their chances of cheating (Smith). When it comes to internet infidelity there are certain factors that could increase cheating. Psychologists call them the “three A’s” of the internet: Acceptability, Ambiguity, and Accommodation. Behaviors that are not accepted in society are accepted online, the definition of internet infidelity is hazy, and acting out needs and desires through the internet allows for users to live electronic polygamy while sustaining a monogamous relationship off-line (Vossler).

Does Hope Remain?

There are immense infidelity related issues in modern day society, but is there any way to get past them or to avoid them at all? Many therapists believe that treating infidelity can be a difficult process even for the most seasoned therapists (Hertlein and Piercy). However, it does not have to be the ultimate ending to a relationship. Many therapists have tips and steps to moving past infidelity. Some steps include managing shock and damage control, exploring context and finding meaning, and moving on (Gordon, Baucom and Snyder). Other tips to avoid or treat infidelity are develop physical boundaries, develops psychological boundaries, assess your context and readiness for change, assess the presence of unique circumstances, and work towards forgiveness (Hertlein and Piercy).Also, establishing clear boundaries regarding secrets and ongoing affairs (Vossler and Moller). By following these steps and remembering these tips internet infidelity does not have to be the end to relationships.

There is no direct causation between social networking and technology on the amount of infidelity present, but the correlation between them is strong. In a globalized world, we are all close together in every way so setting boundaries is important in any relationship; dating or married.

Works Cited

"Understanding Infidelity: An Interview with Gerald Weeks." (n.d.).

Lacey Lewis

FSU

Works Cited

Reflection

Research Proposal

Interview

Annotated Bibliography

Draft 2

​

Defining Internet Infidelity

Technologies Impact on Infidelity

Social Networking’s Impact on Infidelity

Internet Infidelity’s Effect on the Betrayed

Men, Women, and Why?

Does Hope Remain?

Works Cited

Draft 1

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Defining Internet Infidelity

Technologies Impact on Infidelity

Social Networking’s Impact on Infidelity

Internet Infidelity’s Effect on the Betrayed

Men, Women, and Why?

Does Hope Remain?

Works Cited